This week

It started off a little sad, with the close of a show that had a quite a story, a lot of emotion, and a very close cast.  It was hard to say goodbye to that.  I was experiencing some of the typical post-show ennui.  I didn't feel like singing, and I told myself, "Self, no problem.  Don't practice again til you feel like you want to. It's called taking a break." And guess what.  By Wednesday I was practicing again...as the days pass...I'm starting to get my mojo back, I have to admit.  I am back to being totally obsessed.  Obsessed with singing, singers, opera, song...all of it.

This week's posts included:

- A poem on Wednesday called Opening Night

- yesterday's self-motivational post called Coaching Team You.  It was by far the most popular this week.

Tonight Joe and I are off to Lyric Opera Baltimore's Rigoletto-- one of my very favorites.  I'll be on pins and needles all through "Caro nome." Otherwise known as the best aria ever!  We will be fuleing up first with margaritas and guacamole.  And between now and then, of course, I'll have to figure out what spectacular outfit to wear... I'm going back stage after...maybe I'll get to meet Bryan Hymel!

Coaching Team You

I love watching the ESPN show Hard Knocks, which follows one NFL team a year through their pre-season training camp.  Its a grueling process, and many players are disappointed when they just can't be explosive or consistent enough to compete with other stars on the team.  Dozens of players are eliminated throughout the course of camp, and in the end, usually one is chosen for each open position.  It's a fascinating thing to watch, and feels oddly familiar for a person like me who has chosen a path with a similarly competitive atmosphere.  I hate to say it, but I think even sopranos have it easier than some of these players...

What the NFL does have built into their system that we do not (besides the obvious billions of dollars), however, is constant encouragement, ass-kicking, support, and camaraderie.  There are coaches with each guy before every play, in your ear, reminding you what to do, how to do it, helping you to keep your focus, telling you you CAN.  I've often said to Joe-- "God, can you imagine if there was someone who would do that for us that we didn't have to pay?"  How much more fabulous would I be every time I auditioned, performed, opened my mouth!  If I could afford it, you better believe I'd have a person who loves my voice standing next to me telling me how freaking fabulous I was up until the moment I stepped into the audition room! 

Okay, ultimately, we're all on Team Opera, but rarely do you walk in the door for rehearsal and feel the single-minded focus that seems to be present in a football locker room.  We're all thinking about our own voices, mostly, right?  How it feels today, what's happening in there, whether I know my words, who my character is-- it ceases at some point to be a team sport, even though it probably shouldn't.  Not up until a work is performance-ready do any of us really become able to focus on the piece as a whole and telling a larger story.  We have to focus on getting our own stuff right. 

In the absence of a team of coaches standing on the side-lines yelling instructions(or heck, even one would do), whose sole job is to be sure I perform in that moment the very best I can, I've got to be my own teacher, coach, cheerleader, therapist.  In the face of rejection and negativity, and the constant newsreel about our "dying art," how do we wade through all of it and become the kind of singer we can get behind?  

If I know I've done the work, had the right attitude, put in the time, and I'm there for the right reason (MUSIC, hello), I have no reason not to believe I'm great.  No reason not to be one hundred percent in favor of me. No reason not to say myself in lieu of anyone else being there to do it: GO get em.  You are fabulous.  You love this, you work hard at this.  Show them what you're made of.

Let's win one for Team You.

Wednesday

Opening night

Into the size and shape of answers that

I’ll never have

I plunge

I ask the question and live in the realm

Of wondering

Everyday

Where is she

Who the world tosses up on shore

and harshly polishes with all the

moments come and gone

an entire night that lasted only seconds

gulfs waded through

cliffs over the side of which she may have

stupidly looked down

catching herself

When roughly chipped or thrown and landed

Then, all of the sandpaper words

And the mail still comes

Or maybe doesn’t

She waits

But I will always wait

It goes in waves, first a shell,

broken through raw and soft,

Then perhaps a scab forms

But 

Always battered, with fractures

though never quite cracked through

Still

love and hate and such sadness

surge ever closer to the surface

Tonight I bring it all to you

So true

Friday is here... what a month

And you know what that means...opening night.  It's been a crazy month.  As I look back to the day I agreed to do the opera that opens tonight, so much was different.  I was ill, I was depressed.  I got through it, and I didn't give up, and somehow I will find the courage to stand on the stage and sing tonight.

By the grace of the universe, I wasn't really allowed to quit.  I had to keep going...there were more things and more things so I knew I couldn't slow down to feel sorry for myself.  What would have happened if I had?

I've been really inspired to write lately, because I'm learning things.  So here are some topics I'm hoping to address in the near future:

- Choosing teachers and coaches

- What is really worth our money

I hope you will all keep me in your thoughts tonight, and have a WONDERFUL weekend!

Update to Audition/Performance Prep page: Repertoire for Auditions

Hello singers-- for any of you that are interested, I've just posted an epistle about my take on choosing pieces for auditions and strategy.  Check it out to your left in the Audition/Performance Prep page.

Have a great Wednesday!

Diva Style

My thing has always been that glamor will get you noticed before you even open your mouth.  and I've often said this here-- but I feel so GOOD when I look good.  I'm building my brand, right?  We must be gorgeous of voice and of countenance.  

Note: I said countenance. 

And to me to be gorgeous of countenance is to have a glow, a projection of inner joy, a sense of pride in our appearance and our product.  It does not mean being stick thin, it does not mean wearing drag queen make-up (although I do love my fake eyelashes).  

The other day when i was getting ready for my audition in my teacher's studio, asked her: "Do I need more make up?  I feel like I need more.  I need to be more glamorous."

She looked at me like I was crazy.  It was quite hilarious, especially since my teacher is always very well-turned out herself, great make-up, perfect lipstick.  Then she said:

"Jessica, this audition is about your voice."

Bam.

Tired Panda

New York this weekend was wonderful, refreshing and tiring all at the same time.  Even if I don't live there, I am glad I live close enough to go often.  I feel free and happy and surrounded by possibility in New York.

My friend Jared and I had the best time catching up Friday night, then we had breakfast at my favorite diner on 52nd before my lesson at 11 AM.  My teacher really excels at preparing me for auditions.  Whenever I can have a lesson before an audition, I make an effort to schedule one.  During my lesson we began exploring a few arias that had not originally been on my rep list for this audition, and discovered that, wow!  One really worked!  Really really worked!

It was the end of the lesson when dear Max, the pianist said "Do you have a copy of the score for the pianist?"

The answer was of course no, because I hadn't planned to sing it.   But my schedule was very tight-- I was planning to change into my dress at the studio and then take a cab to make it to the audition just in time.  Oh no!  I started to panic...

"Change slowly," Max said. "I'll run down to Office Max on 8th Avenue and make you a copy! We must never forget the pianist!"

Oh my word.  I tell you it takes a village to get this soprano ready for an audition.  It was so sweet of him, and I felt very loved.  I was ready, copies in hand, in plenty of time.  Took a cab, walked in, and sang a really great audition.  Exhilarating.

Then I changed back into jeans and ran down to catch my bus.  I was back just in time for our orchestra run of the show I'm working on now.  Sunday was a marathon of church and rehearsal, but praise be to god, it culminated in a Cinco de Mayo margarita and guacamole.  I haven't had hard liquor in so long that I woke this morning with an upset stomach...but somehow pulled off a great rehearsal of musical theater and opera hits for my concert tomorrow...

Where am I?  What am I doing?  What is my name?

Dress rehearsal tonight.  Ahhhhhhh!

Find what you love and let it kill you

Fabulous blog post, right HERE