from http://agoodthinghappened.com/post/20720021153/original-background-via-xandra-holazo-marfori

No limits.

This weekend was singerlicious!  I enjoyed lots of church and synagogue singing, and a wildly inspiring voice lesson that concluded with me singing a high G-- a note I haven't had since, well, a really long time ago.

There was also some really great pool time with Joe!  It is my favorite summer activity...and if there is a cooler of beer or cocktails!  Heaven!

I am preparing for an audition tonight and actually kind of scaring myself that I am not more worried about singing two Bach arias.  Especially since that was an entire genre of music I had pretty much written off for myself.  I remember actually saying "I can't sing Bach." Now, it makes me cringe to remember the way that I claimed that as truth for myself, limiting my own progress with my words.  Maybe it is the lovely time off that I have had, and the refreshing feeling of time to think, explore, study and practice, but remember the passage from the New Testament:

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect...

My mind is in a daily state of renewal, I have to remind myself to stop doubting, but I am beginning to see the futility in saying what is not possible.  The world we live in is full of limits, and people who will tell you where you need to stop.  What might be too much for you.  Where the line is.  What is safe.  But what is good and acceptable and perfect for me is something I can only find when I have decided that I am open to change, to hard work, to discomfort and moving past the fear it brings, and to completely surrender to the love I have for singing.  Love is reason enough to do anything.

Only willingness to push myself and take vocal risks will result in transformation. I find my edge every day and try to go beyond it-- which is scary when you are talking about a few little muscles deep inside your throat that you cannot see and have become almost mystical for us.  I still have to consciously stop myself from singing the hard passages endlessly before a performance or an audition (leading to fatigue!) just to prove to myself that the ability to do it has not gone away, vanished, disappeared.

The truth is, it could disappear.  Something could happen to anything or anyone we love.  So we have to go for it completely every time we open our mouths, trusting that if there is something we are meant to communicate today, it will be there.

Back

I actually really like going away for three days.  It's the perfect amount of time.  I don't have to take too much stuff-- I don't miss my cats too much.  Miami is such a fun place-- and for a two hour flight you really feel like you are in a very different world when you arrive.  It's European in flavor, and a really refreshing departure from life in the Northeast.  The women are a little different there-- flashier, more glamorous, more confident and less understated.  I wore my striped Calvin Klein maxi dress one night to dinner and really felt like I was underdressed-- or somehow, just not fitting the vibe-- I was too Nantucket and not exotic enough.  Never had a bad meal-- fantastic food.  I didn't watch my diet, and had cocktails with every meal but breakfast!  So now I am back-- happy to be home and back on the wagon-- I feel well-rested and glad to be alive.

Now I'm ready to tackle the Bach and Handel I have to sing for an audition next week.  My voice didn't get as radically out of shape over the four days off from singing as I thought it would.  I missed it, though.  I started practicing not fifteen minutes after we walked in the door.  I am on the hunt for a new English aria and absolutely cannot wait to start working on all my new stuff.

Also, I am wearing mint green nail polish!!!!  It is super wonderful.

Things I am so thankful for this Friday

1. Elly Ameling (her Bach is really the best)

2. The fact that I had the courage to wear pink and red together today!  And that the skirt I'm wearing is kind of a label and I got it for ten bucks on Ebay!

3. My new necklace from J. Crew, courtesy of a special friend

4. Green tea with lemon.  It keeps me from eating the several bags of chips I desire.

5. Finally figuring out how to properly sear chicken so that it tastes good with out breading-- I did this last night to put on a green salad, and I think I may have changed Joe and I'd minds about eating salads for meals.  Here's how:  get a cast iron skillet REALLY hot.  Put a little oil in the pan and turn it up between high and medium for like five or six minutes.  Season chicken cutlets with A LOT of season salt (I use Morton's because it has a hint of Old Bay and I am from Maryland) on each side.  The key is to really thickly season them.  Pat the chicken pieces dry.  Slap them down in that hot hot pan and leave them there on one side until they are dark brown, without moving them.  Then flip them over.  You'll know when they're done, because you touch it with the tongs and it is quite firm and springs back.  Then you take it out and slice it and put it on your greens with balsamic vinaigrette-- shave some parmigiano on there, and it almost feels luxurious.  You know, like you're not on a diet.  Okay well...

6. It's almost time for our Miami get away.  I've never been to Miami, in fact the east of Florida at all!

7. Pedicure tomorrow-- first one since Christmas-- what color to choose?

8. Having a minute to spend with friends again.  I realize that there are a few people in my life that are so much like family that when I do not have the opportunity to see them regularly, it is hard for me to cope with life.

9. Thich Nhat Hanh:  a little Buddhist monk whose interview with Oprah I watched a week or so ago, and I have been re-watching it every few days.  I can't wait to start reading his books this summer.  There is something about him and what he has to say that makes me believe I can be a better person.

10.  My new mantra from Deepak Chopra:  My true self is fearless and immune to criticism. 

On to the next

I've been spending a lot of time looking through music, and You Tubing tons of new arias and oratorio selections that would work for me as I feel my center of gravity shifting higher.  Since I have an audition for an oratorio conductor coming up, I'm working at getting together a nice batch of contrasting pieces.  Right now, it's the first aria from St. John Passion "Ich folge dir gleichfalls" and Handel's "I know that my Redeemer liveth," as well as Brahms' "Ihr habt nun Traurigkeit" and all the stuff from Carmina Burana. 

As for opera, I'm totally challenging myself to go out on a limb with things I've got a feeling will be a while before they are heard in public!  Like Violetta and Konstanze and Gilda.  Then there are the things that can come out a bit sooner-- like Juliette and Alcina-- those are closer to what I have already been doing. 

So as I'm listening to all these different singers sing all these different things, I realize that there's really no reason to listen to any body but Jessye Norman.  And Anna Moffo.  And Edita Gruberova.  And Joan Sutherland.  No seriously.  Talk about resonance and presence in every note.  With Jessye, I love the humanity of her singing.  As for Joan, I can aspire in some way to her perfect other-worldliness.  But one thing I learned from my most recent experience onstage is that while inspiration comes from lots of places, the very best thing I could ever be is me. 

Which sometimes takes a lot of work.

Things

You know how sometimes things come into your life and you wonder how you will be able to handle it, and then you decide to just do it, and when it is over you can't believe how great it was?  That is a singer's life in a nutshell.  All the time, moving forward, scared to death, but doing it anyway.

The show went so well, and I miss everyone in the cast terribly.  You all know how that feels.

The only thing saving me from complete and total despair at it being over is that I have my summer program to look forward to!! And so much music to learn for it.