It's not exactly a red-letter day. I feel funny after a bad experience with a strangely written anthem yesterday, and I had a student cancel today, and a bit of bad news came for Joe. I am a little down on myself, down on ourselves. For the first time in a while, I am not as worried about money as usual. Not that I am rolling in dough, but it looks like the coming year will be busy with gigs, though none so far of the opera variety, making my soul collapse a little. I will just have to go to lots of auditions and sing my arias many times for people, pretending that I am onstage. It sounds silly, but it does help.
However, not every day can be a hopeful day. Sometimes you feel a little bad, and that is life. It's funny, because when I was with my grandmother, I got the sense that she was trying to help me understand something, trying to educate me about how it was going to be, since we had our first real brush with scary health issues this year. That's life, she said, hard things, sad things, happen a good deal of the time. You can't expect to be happy every moment. You also can't expect that people will treat you well, or fairly. Not that you have to stand for it, but you waste your energy on expectations that are unrealistic.
So, it might just be time to put on my big girl panties (as Caroline Manzo would say), and get over it. If I spend today feeling bad, that's a day wasted.
I refuse to feel bad today. I've just decided. I'm going home right after this and practice. After all, shouldn't excellence be my pursuit, and not merely success? And then, I'm probably going to make a nice (healthy, mostly vegetables because I am getting chunky) dinner and eat it at the dining room table.
I know, I live a very edgy and riveting life.