Friday

I am ready to go out to dinner. Not that cooking all week hasn't been great, but sometimes you want to be wined and dined. So tonight's the night, and I am in the mood for southern food...

Today was productive. I applied for a grant...wasn't as painful as some I have seen, so thank god for that. I got my fabulous web person to put sound clips on my website...this is very exciting indeed. Other updates are soon to come. I really need new pictures on there as well, but one step at a time. Contacted a new coach in NYC, etc., etc. Got my rep list for the cabaret and I suppose I'm equally excited and depressed that my days of wisdom teeth removal lounging around are about to come to an end. Ah well.

I have to say that the end of July is about when I start dreading the end of summer, but this year I think I need to try to have a different attitude if I can (this commitment to a positive attitudes when I look at my September calendar), and look forward to the exciting stuff I'm about to do. Also, my birthday is in September and it will a great excuse to do something fun to celebrate both that and a successful (fingers crossed) high holidays.

But for today, all I need to do is learn my solo for church on Sunday, and go to dinner and drink wine. Let's not get toooo motivated just yet.

The perfect Wednesday night?

Buffalo chicken pizza, Sauvignon blanc, Joe, Top Chef, editing my recording, enjoying the sound of my own voice for the first time in my whole entire life.

Wednesday

Today I am working on getting schedules coordinated for an opera ensemble show that I'm organizing for March. I don't mind doing it, and I love the fact that I am able to create opportunities for myself in this way, but it reminds me why I am a singer and not a director. I like to be the one on stage, whose only job is to sing and create a character. I prefer not to have much to do with the administrative side of performances, and to focus on the music. I do a lot of administrating at my day job, so maybe this is why.

I've learned a lot about the behind-the-scenes drama of production and administration in the last five years, and I have to say, while it may not be physically demanding labor, psychologically, it can be grueling work. On the flip side-- it's taught me so much about how to behave in my life as a performer. I've learned how frustrating it can be when people don't respond, don't send bios, photos, program information on time, have unreasonable demands, etc. I wonder if performers realize we are not trying to be annoying, we are trying to HELP them? As production/administrators, we are here to make the performance work, be viable and well-attended and professional, complete with publicity and a beautiful program. And while I have learned not to take any of it personally, and I know artists are busy, over-extended, and have to work very hard for the money they make in this country, it still feels a little annoying when they don't send you what you need to promote THEM.

No one associated with my little opera ensemble has ever given me a moment of trouble like this, because I've learned to choose very carefully who to work with. And it usually includes people who are good about correspondence-- to a certain extent. We all know that it takes less than a moment to dash off an email, so being busy is rarely an excuse.

As a singer, I try to do little things to make my own life easier and more convenient, so that I can be prompt in providing info when it's asked for. Like making sure I always have a updated Word doc of my resume in my email account somewhere, and a re-sized headshot that won't put an admin's email over quota. If I were really organized, I would have one on my blackberry too...must get to that.

I am inspired every day by the friends of mine who have taken it upon themselves to create new outlets for singing here in Baltimore. I KNOW how hard they are working to pull it off. We singers are SO grateful for the care they take and work they put in to promote the art form in our town. Sometimes it's difficult to find time and money to attend performances, but I am trying harder to make it happen, and get myself out to the shows to support the enormous effort of these young companies.

Some of my favorite operatic memories of this past season include the companies I'm thinking of as I write... Sara Stewart as Nedda in Baltimore Concert Opera's I Pagliacci, and The Figaro Project's fun, fun, fun, fabulous inaugural show.

I know, because I am not living under a rock, that the arts are struggling in our economy, and I know I am struggling in our economy, but I see so many lovely opportunities springing up for singers that it give me lots and lots of hope.

Tuesday

I'm in a great mood. I think it might have something to do with the cheesy pop music I'm enjoying at my desk today.

Or the fact that my mini-vacay to Santa Fe is looming on the horizon complete with a spa treatment that I REALLY need.

Or maybe because I am going to lunch with Stu.

Or maybe because I have High Holidays rehearsal tonight...wait...

Or maybe because my lesson yesterday was exactly the tune-up I needed in order to feel human again.

And it is no longer one million degrees outside and I do not sweat inelegantly while walking around the neighborhood.

Also I am invited to so many fabulous weddings this season that I have so many reasons for beautiful dress buying. And one of the weddings require THREE dresses in total-- Bridal Tea, Rehearsal Dinner AND Wedding! This is too good to be true. I am in dress heaven.

Monday: more from your girl

I went back to work today for real, which is a good thing. I have never been the type that does particularly well with a lot of free time. I start to melt down if I feel unproductive.

Of course, foremost in my mind right now is my next gig-- the Merkin Hall premier of Keith Kramer's new song cycle in New York City. I'm excited and flattered to report that he's writing it just for me! I haven't seen a score yet, though, and I'm anxious to get my hands on something to start learning pitches and rhythms.

In the meantime, there is the remaining recording session for audition season, a cabaret, rehearsals for the High Holidays, and a little recital to keep me busy. I am desperate for a lesson, to help me get my floppy vocal musculature back into shape after oral surgery. Good thing I've got one today. Geez.

In other news, ebay has been good to me, and I found a gown for the NYC concert for around 30 bucks that rocks my world. I think I'm addicted. Yikes.

Monday

I had the best time last night at a birthday dinner, drank some wine, came home late and am now ready to kill the construction workers who are listening to loud music and tramping up and down the stairs hundreds of times right outside my bedroom. WHYYYY??? Oh, and now with the hammering. And the loud admonitions about how to build a door.

Because I have a lesson today, and I would have loved some extra shut-eye.

Oh well. I guess coffee is going to have to take over from here.

Friday : OMG

Well, lovely readers, I have triumphed (almost) over my wisdom teeth. They have been successfully yanked from my skull and in their place I have three large craters and some stitches.

I tried singing yesterday, and it was weird, to say the least. I could feel the pressure and vibration in my empty wisdom teeth holes! Which proved painful after a few minutes. My teeth hurt more today than they did on any preceding day, so I am holding out hope that my church job on Sunday will not prove to be too agonizing.

Now I am kind of hoping that my empty teeth holes will give my more resonating space so maybe I could move up a fach. :)

Never heard of it happening, but hey.

Monday

I've never had to work so hard in my life. Last night was a little concert of musical theater and some operetta for a crowd who were less than familiar with my whole thing that I do-- that is, classical singing. Don't get me wrong, I had my chest mix (okay, sometimes open chest voice, people, I admit it) going and I think I actually sounded rather convincing. They were a tough crowd. Judging by the sweet compliments I got after, I'm pretty sure most of them liked me, but a good 30% were just not feeling it. It's interesting how easy it is to feel that energy in a room. Hey, what can I say...I did my job, I did what I got hired to do pretty darn well, and now, I am very TIRED.

One discovery that has me very excited, and I can't believe I didn't think of this before...the SPRING HAUTE COUTURE COLLECTIONS are all on youtube!

The perfect thing for a tired opera singer cum musical theater siren who is also going to need something to do next week when she gets her wisdom teeth taken out. Just to really put things into perspective, my fee for last night could probably buy me a half a shoe from said shows. But I did have a good time singing "I could have danced all night."

I think I'll watch Chanel 2010 now...right after I cash this check.

Friday, 2

Oh, and I am really good at making focaccia. Did I mention that?

I had one other cooking disaster this week. Never try to make pizza egg rolls. It's just down right gross.

Friday

And now, on a rare completely non-singing related rant: What the hell is the deal with baking a loaf of gosh darn bread? I mean, I totally get now why until the advent of store-bought bread, women couldn't have jobs outside the home. I mean I honestly think it had a lot to do with that. Oh, and having to wash clothes manually.

I have this bee in my bonnet now about wanting to learn how to make bread from scratch, because, well, I don't know why. I just want to. So, it was supposed to be my summer project to try some recipes and perfect one that we could use regularly and didn't seem to be too intense. It's the perfect summer project, because summer is warm, and therefore good for rising bread, and I am broke in the summer, and what could be cheaper than baking as a hobby, when all you have to buy is basically flour and yeast? I wanted to sew this summer too, but, well, Jo-Ann Fabrics isn't the huge bargain it used to be, I can tell you that. Seeing as I just found a Calvin Klein dress on E-Bay for $20 and free shipping.

I think that yeast and dough and the kneading process are all the most magical things. I love it. It really gets me going to knead a ball of dough for some weird reason. Because it's aLIVE! But any way...

So, I tried one recipe, the really "easy" low stress, no-knead one from the New York Times. Twice. It turned out like a flat, tough, though good-tasting, big mess basically. TWICE. I have a friend who makes it so beautifully that I just feel totally inadequate. My bread compared to Zoe's bread. Not even in the same league. Then, I tried another recipe this week, which calls for ten minutes of kneading in the stand mixer, and well, it turned out fine, but it had to rise two different times, and for hours, and I just don't have that kind of time! It is TOO labor intensive. Also, the recipe has 3 tablespoons of honey-- and I quickly discovered that the kind of honey you use matters. I was using a fresh, local, farmer's market kind of honey, and the bread ended up tasting gamey. Like you were eating bread that had actual bees in it. So, I guess that means I need to get really generic store bought honey, but that seems dumb. So I am at a loss.

The one yeast-based success I did have was making soft pretzels. I kneaded the thing for ten minutes by hand, and it was a joyous experience. How lovely and pioneerish I felt, and it is so cool to feel the dough changing as you knead it. Once the pretzels were baked, they tasted amazing, but looked puffy and more like rolls than pretzels, but I was not too concerned by this. They tasted amazing. I think I will serve them with mustard and drawn butter for dipping at my next get-together.

And I suppose I am good at pizza dough, but even my five year old cousin could make pizza dough, so I am not so proud of myself yet. I still have a long way to go to baking mastery, however. I am entirely convinced that it is a science at which only the smartest, most patient and precise of folk can succeed. My mother made all our bread when I was growing up. So I thought I had the gene. But I must soldier on. Maybe with years of practice.

And god knows, I am very good at practicing.

Monday

Yesterday could possibly have been my favorite 4th of July in recent memory.

There was a substitute organist at church who played so well that it made my church job a total breeze, and who seemed to think I wasn't so bad either-- which put me in a stellar mood for the rest of the day. Went home, ate lunch, put on bathing suits and went straight out to my mom's marina where there is a pool. Drank beer by said pool, read tabloid magazines, and relaxed. Then, made dinner and strawberry shortcake that was SO good.

The fire works were great, and being with all the boats, it was just really beautiful and perfect.

Today, I went over all my recital rep for this sunday, baked bread and made soft pretzels! it was a very productive day. And I feel so good that I am not even worreid in the least about going to work tomorrow or rehearsal tomorrow night.

Yay for holidays.

Thursday

Major discovery, thanks to Ms. Z! SPARKLING pinot noir!!!! The perfect summer wine for red wine people.

Now it really is summer. Let's party. Just until like two days before my recital next week. Uh oh. And then I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Oy. But then after THAT we will throw caution to the wind.

Maybe it's time to DANCE it out?

Favorite quote for a Wednesday eve

The only thing better than singing is more singing.

Ella Fitzgerald

Girl crush

It's Nigella Lawson. I admit it. Ever since this new Cooking Channel thing came on, I'm pretty hopelessly in love with Nigella. Not that I think her food even seems that great, really. Just that I love her.

I am the last person to watch the Renee Fleming rock-star music video thing. But I just watched it. Oh my oh my oh my. I love her so much, but that video is questionable at best. I don't get it at all...but I will say I am so proud of her that she is so awesome that she can truly do anything she wants without any consequences of making the wrong career move. We should all be so lucky. Yay for doing exactly whatever the hell you want and owning it.

Wednesday

Wednesdays are fun because of Top Chef. No other reason in particular, except that today I got to see Sally, which many of you know is a highlight of my month. Oh, and I designed a new lay out for the blog!!! You like?

This weekend's performances were so much fun, I am sad that they are over. I didn't think I would be saying that right now, since the role itself caused me such stress that I literally thought it was going to kill me! I really grew to enjoy the cast, and there was a great rapport between everyone. I have been in shows before where everyone is not so loving...or for some reason, based on rehearsal schedules, or whatever, never really has a chance to bond. Which is always a weird thing to be onstage, in such a very vulnerable kind of situation feeling like you are with strangers. It's much better when everyone can be friends. It doesn't hurt when there is some really very fine singing going on either, with a fabulous piece of music.

Trying to find ways to calm myself down every night was my little challenge in this particular role. It was so easy to let nerves get totally out of hand while waiting through the entire first and second acts. I freaked out in silence and tried not to be too annoying to my cast mates, who had big roles with SO much singing and may have really had a good reason to freak out. One mistake NOT to make is to be the neurotic person who warms up all over again every five minutes and leaves all their notes in the dressing room. Which DID happen one of the two nights and was too scary to be repeated. So I sat quietly in the dressing area, ate a gummi worm or two (even though I couldn't find any real haribo gummis and was forced to eat the very gross kind), drank some water, played with my blackberry, and didn't allow myself to go upstairs to the balcony too soon before it was time to sing. Only one warm up ten minutes before was allowed, and no obsessing over the high notes. Which actually worked very well. I was soooo much more relaxed, and didn't want to throw up after I was finished singing. So now I know.

My recording session went SO well yesterday-- I am absolutely thrilled. Money well spent, and for the first time in my life, listening to the tracks did not ruin my day. I asked Joe in awe: "Is that what I really sound like?" He replied that it was, and that they had only done a basic recording, with no magic or witchcraft involved. Maybe my hard work is starting to pay off.

And THEN! A friend asked me to do a gig with her today, and so I am a very happy little soprano.

I think wine and guacamole will make me even happier.

Friday

Tonight is opening night of my second time singing a little role in a Verdi opera. Last night's dress for the Saturday night cast was truly fabulous. The voices! Sighhhh. What a huge rush it is to hear those kinds of sounds coming from a human being.

I am happy that my white costume doesn't make me look too peaked, thanks to the daily walks to and from work in this startling heat.

Really, we are all just trying not to melt.

Next week, I'm hoping to get at least a couple of really solid tracks for the old audition recording. Anything that doesn't make it on, i will do in another session in August, so I am trying to avoid stressing about it. This year, I thought it was time to have it doen by a professional, so I saved my money, and am looking forward to having someone else make me sound good??? Okay, well...

Thursday

I have begun to save to go back to Europe again. Not sure exactly where, because although there are so many things I haven't seen yet, I always miss Venice. But I'm thinking Paris...

Yesterday was an intense one with a big work meeting that completely wore me out...two hours later, I was sitting at my desk brain-dead trying to remember my own name. So I have a lot to catch up on today. I don't know if I've ever said that in the summer before...weird. Why do I have work to do? This is annoying.

My new strategy for avoiding eating lots of snacks in the evening is to eat dinner later (brilliant, I know) so I took my time recovering from the work thing and folded some laundry like a good little wifey. Oh man, I made the best chicken fajitas last night. Wow. I have to say, Joe is a lucky man. :)

Then it was back to the grindstone, and by grindstone, I mean, I have a ton of work to do on music for an upcoming recital and my recording. It's really getting totally out of control. I started putting binders together, and have a system for learning my new aria...a long bel canto thing that still tires me out by the end. I think it's really only that I've just been tired in general, and by the time I get around to practicing, well...yes, twelve pages worth of chirping and arpeggios and high ds will do it for you. So I always start at the end when I am feeling fresh, and work my way back to the beginning. At some point I will have to start singing it in order to get my stamina going, one of these days. The good news is that I think the aria is WELL worth the effort and will be an unbelievable show case for auditions that has lots of excerpt-able bits for when they don't want to hear it til the bitter end. And it's FUN, with some comic action. Lord knows lyric sopranos have enough sad music to deal with, so you need to break it up. My teacher told me to watch Will and Grace's Sean Hayes for ideas for the character and comic timing! As if I don't already have all the episodes memorized! Oh, and is it ever wordy. So I am doing that thing now where I say the wordy bits over and over to myself at intervals all day long-- in the shower, walking to work-- yes, the crazy person talking to herself walking up St. Paul is me, people.

Monday

I have been feeling lately like maybe I don't have anything interesting enough to say to put it on the internet. But hey. I'm here because I need to vent. Which is what blogging is really about after all, isn't it?

All through April and May I kept saying that if I could just make it to June, I would be okay. And now it seems like June is not turning out to be as fun and stress free as I had hoped! I think it has a lot to do with my annual summer broke-ness, and the fact that I am working on a show, and have a recital coming up in July, and...I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in July too, which I am dreading.

I'm knocking on wood, of course, while I type that I have never had a stitch or broken a bone, and getting a cavity filled or having blood taken can ruin an entire half a week for me. I'm the biggest sissy when it comes to pain and needles, so when they explained that I would have to have an IV for the anesthesia, well, it just totally freaked me out. I know, get over it, Jessica. Please.

When you have the money you don't have the time, and when you have the time you don't have the money is how the story goes, I'm afraid, to hang out with friends and go for drinks and do all the lovely things you want to do in summer.

We are heading into tech week for Don Carlo, and I had a horrific rehearsal last night. I sang my bit at the beginning of a three hour rehearsal-- it was good, even great, by my own standards. Then, I sat for three hours in freezing air-conditioning with no where to warm up again, and had to sing it at the very end. Let's just say it totally sucked ass. I was horrified at what was coming out of my mouth. The whole cast of principals, and a full chorus were there with nothing to do but sit and listen to me singularly ruin my reputation with a two page vocal blow-out of epic proportions. Did it matter that I had sung it perfectly, even fabulously three hours before? Not to me. I was mortified. I grabbed my bag, tried to avoid eye-contact, and ran out the door, and into the car where I promptly burst into tears. It had been a long day, I was angry, embarrassed, and I was DONE. I haven't cried over singing in a while, so I suppose I was about due. Nothing like driving on the capital beltway while sobbing uncontrollably.

Okay, so the circumstances weren't great, and no one is at their best after sitting in AC for three hours cold. And as Joe reminded me, everybody has a bad day, or a bad two pages, or whatever, every so often. Well, for some reason I just have this big problem with that. When I listen to other singers, I am so much kinder to them than I ever would be to myself. Maybe they are allowed to have a bad rehearsal, but I just do not want that to happen to me. The humiliation is just too much.

One of my Deepak Chopra tweets yesterday was about being vulnerable, and how the greatest things come out of openness and vulnerability, and that until we can be in that state, good energy cannot really flow through us. Well, I am not sure what happened last night, but I certainly felt vulnerable. I think there must be a lesson in this somewhere.

Saturday

I sang my little part in rehearsal this morning, had a splendid time, and came home. It may be a little part, people, but it is giving me a hell of a time with the tempo. I'll tell you why. Because it's one of those things where the whole show is just going along, and then suddenly it kind of stops, and I, ME, MY character has to establish the new tempo. Oh, and the conductor stops conducting too. And it's up to me to start it up again, and establish a new steady tempo, which may sound not so bad until you consider that I have to do it while singing soft sustained b-naturals. And it's also quite rubato, so it's easy to allow it to sound as if its all over the damn place. And I just can't let that happen. It's my moment :)

I'm excited to have a little break from things next week...and then we are right back on the horse, with rehearsal, church and an audition. And somehow, at some point I need to make a new demo CD. And learn two new arias for it.

But it will all get done. It always does.

Tuesday

I'm alive! I'm still alive! I lived through the emotionally intense weekend and am on the other side. Because I've been such a very good girl, we are eating at my favorite guilty pleasure tonight: Pei-Wei. Sigh.

My brother and sister-in-law and a very good friend, Pierce, were all there to keep me sane (as sane as is really possible) and grounded and remind me of what is important: drinking. :) No, I mean, being nice. And making it a wonderful celebration for my mom. The stressers leading up to the occasion were interesting. Like when I took lunch to get a pedicure, they made me wait for 35 minutes, and THEN it was still the worst pedicure I have EVER gotten ever. And that is saying something when you live in Baltimore. Okay, so I guess it's not the end of the world, but it's that kind of drama that makes the day kind of frustrating. So I wore close-toed shoes to a garden wedding. How sad is that?

We sang a pretty f-ing wonderful rendition of "All I ask of you," at my step-father's request, not bad on 5 ish hours of sleep. Yay. Check another performance off the list during which I have not embarrassed myself.

This week will be an easy one, a count down til next week's mini-vacation in FL with the in-laws. I don't really care where I go at this point, as long as it has a beach.