Tuesday

Tuesday's child is full of grace.

Well, I'm trying to be, anyway, people.

Very excited to sing for a pretty major lady in less than two weeks... another trip to New York? Yes, please. Another excuse to wear my dress and sing? YES.

I suppose I have my arias kind of settled, but I tried out an old one that is feeling might fine these days, and somehow MUCH easier than the first time I performed it-- Mi tradi. And I think this particular lady might really like to hear that.

But then, I think you are always doing the wrong thing by singing something not terribly secure just because you think somebody would prefer it over the things you sing really well and can always count on. I think she would agree.

I always have to remind myself: I am the artist. They are the audience. I choose what I will share with them even in an audition.

This little reminder keeps me from worrying too much about how to please everyone. Because I've learned that the way to engage most people at least is to do what YOU want to do and fully commit to it with everything you have.

Sunday

I am not sorry to say I still get choked up over music. There is always a new, wonderful thing that surprises me, or an old familiar piece that reminds me of something that happened once.

Or else it is just so purely amazingly good that it squeezes the tears right out of your eyes.

Friday= Hafiz c. 1320-1389

Why Not Be Polite?


Everyone

Is God speaking.

Why not be polite and

Listen to

Him?


**I am stunned sometimes at how very relevant to my life poetry from the 14th century can be.**

Wednesday

Yesterday was a disaster. I'm not sure why except that lately, work has been very tough, and I am feeling particularly drained by it.

This always frustrates me, because I always try to remember that while I am committed to my work during the 8 hours a day I am there, singing is my focus, my purpose, my reason for needing a day job in the first place. Therefore, anything that puts me in a place that keeps me from being able to practice effectively is not okay. But I am decidedly, and almost detrimentally conscientious, and have a hard time just blowing something off that I feel I could help with at my job, so I've been coming home every day this week wanting to kill myself. I take on too much. That is my Achilles heel.

I wish I could say Thanksgiving break was looking like a relaxing time to recuperate, but family dramas continue, and it's looking like more of the same.

Last night, after work, I rushed to my hair appointment, which I usually really enjoy, but this time, I left looking like a drowned rat-- my bangs had been dried all wrong, and I was like "F**k it."

Joe was working late so I took myself out to dinner. And I had bread pudding for dessert.

And it was good.

Monday

I want a dining room table. But I am very picky about things like this, so it is kind of making my life hell because I do not have a good sense of perspective in life, obviously, because truly horrible things are happening all over the world.

I thought all hope was lost until yesterday picking up a catalog only to realize that my dream chairs do in fact exist, and in real leather, and at an affordable price. Now, to try to figure out a way to pay for it.

I shall need some more gigs. Like tomorrow. Anybody?

Also, I have just discovered that I am swell at a very hard aria I thought I could never sing, so it is bound to be a good day. Even though it is Monday, I had almost forgotten.

Friday

At lunch with Mr. S a couple of days ago, he made the observation that I haven't blogged about cooking in a while, so singing must be going well! It's hilarious, and sadly true. When I have finished a gig, all I can think that I would want to do is go home and make dinner, and have a glass of wine. During rehearsals there is no time for such things, and I end up eating a lot of crap I shouldn't, and begin to long for real home food like brisket and roasted chicken.

So last night, since there is a break in the action until I am feeling better and until, well, next week, I made fajitas and red rice and took a minute to rest. It was so great.

Joe teases me because I am usually not great at days off, and time with nothing to do. I can ALWAYS find something, and since my tolerance for TV is low, a couple hours is my max. I could always do laundry, bake something, learn a page here or there for the next singing gig, or look at new music for a recital or audition.

Even though I am under the weather, I still had a great high E flat last night, so I thought to myself...maybe it's time to look at Violetta?

YES, just yes.

Wednesday

Our performance at Merkin Hall last weekend was grueling but wonderful. It taught me a lot about myself as a performer.

It becomes clearer to me everyday that energy and focus and commitment can make a performance sparkle, even against the odds. With less than adequate rehearsal time, a barely tonal piece and little access to a piano (I am so spoiled at home, I realize) except for an hour each day at Nola, I was scared to death, but the performance turned out well. I was sure when I arrived in New York I had memorized carefully, each interval, and the feeling that each note had in my voice. For these kinds of works, it can be a scary situation, because I was almost totally leaning on muscle memory to find each pitch, with next to no help in the piano part. Then, I was suddenly onstage to rehearse and it was like my whole vocal center of gravity had shifted, and suddenly things weren't feeling the same. Joe told me that what I was singing was right, and I had to rely on him that everything would be okay. The lovely thing is that the audience would never know...but I would know, and the composer would know, and god knows I am good at beating myself up over these things.

There is so much to be said, however, for just willing it to be right, and giving it everything you vocally and dramatically.