Thursday, April 28, 2011


Okay. Not so much. No pedicure fun. I think I am going to have to stop making plans for a while. Things keep happening to subvert them.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Someone asked me again yesterday when I was planning to have a baby. I always feel like I have to defend myself and my reasoning for not having any inclination to do so whatsoever. It is an icky feeling.

And in order to defend against all icky feelings, one must arm themselves with very high notes, very sexy chest voice singing, and gorgeous hands and feet. Which is exactly why I am finally getting a pedi tonight. It looks like it might just be sandal weather, and I'd rather not put people off their feed by showcasing my current toe situation to all the world.

There are just certain things, I find, that people expect you to do, as a woman. I think I have done a pretty good job of conforming to most of them. For a long time, I felt like I needed to conform to be "right." But as I got older, and by the time I got married, for sure, I had switched pretty much completely over to doing things because they felt like the "right thing to do" for ME. I am reminded every time someone asks me an uncomfortable question, that I have to work even harder at not allowing the judge inside myself to turn on when people decide to try doing something a little differently than everyone else. I've always had a strong set of values when it comes to what I believe is right and wrong, but things like having a baby, who you love, getting married/not getting married, etc. definitely don't fall into the "right and wrong" category. Things that do: RSVPing, being nice, putting others before yourself, returning calls, honesty, showing up, and loyalty.

Also, singing in tune.

Friday, April 22, 2011


I've been saying for a couple weeks now that I need to go to a sweat lodge and be cleansed by a shaman or something after a year of a lot of weird stuff happening. The experiences are forcing me, however, to really think about what I'm supposed to be learning from all this.

Passover and Holy Week come at a good time for a little healthy commiserating. It's lovely to have an excuse sometimes to just grieve a little. I don't know about you, but I've been using up about 75% of my energy just trying to have a good attitude and proceed with life as usual.

Not that I can really identify in any real way with what it might be like to be enslaved for 400 years or to be ridiculed, beaten, and crucified, but wouldn't it just suck if our religions tried to pretend nothing bad ever happens?

So I am going to let the whole sense of Good Friday sink in a little. It's gray outside and it seems right.

It's kind of nice to know, though, and remember that the whole point is, both stories turn out really well in the end.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Wednesday, part 2

Here might I stay and sing,
No story so divine;
Never was love, dear King!
Never was grief like Thine.
This is my Friend, in Whose sweet praise
I all my days could gladly spend.


Hello! This is the first time in years I believe I have been relatively coherent and free of colossal fear and dread this time during Holy Week. Since I now sing for the kind of church that has weekly services, but does not make a big deal over things like Christmas or Easter, I'm kind of feeling light as a feather. I have some extra things for Passover, which will be lovely for the wallet, but I am not ready to kill myself with insane busyness like I was last year. It's the little things in life.

Monday, April 18, 2011


What a wonderful weekend I have had, interrupted only momentarily by the obtuseness of a certain someone with an opinion: "You know, I've never had any formal vocal training, but I was in high school choir, and I think you need to watch your .... when you sing. I find that sopranos especially do this a lot. But that's the only thing wrong with your singing that I can see."

I said "Thank you for letting me know. I will be careful about that in the future," with a stone cold face and sashayed away. It was pretty clear I wasn't pleased, but in a court of law...

Oh say can you see...all the people who think they know something because they were in choir in high school. And then, of course, I spent the better part of the drive home from church (that was the scene of the crime) thinking of much better come backs.

In other news, I attended a show of the national tour of West Side Story, and I am sorry to say the singing was perfectly abysmal. The dancing was great, though, and some of the acting quite fabulous. I am actually pretty mortified that people get hired and sing like that, but then, in some ways, it was rather validating. The fact is, it's really kind of almost impossible to be a really successful triple threat. It takes all the time one has in a day just to learn how to sing beautifully, and kind of act at the same time-- it is truly the work of a lifetime to hone a fantastic vocal technique. Add dancing in there, and something's going to suffer.

In the meantime, I will be working very hard at not paying it forward with the rude comments-- but I do think I am smart enough to know better than to criticize others at what they do for a living and have masters degrees in.

Well, it's Monday, and this time last week, I was hyperventilating at my desk, so today is already better.

Love to all!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011


There's a terrible storm and we were watching Hannibal... I thought I would be okay, but my extreme sensitivity to human suffering kicked in and I promptly freaked out.

Good audition today. My voice was working, and despite looking like a drowned rat from the downpour, I think I made out okay.

I have come to terms with the fact that I will never finish Hannibal. Although I love the soundtrack...beauteous. And now it is bed-time.

Friday, April 08, 2011


Oh wow. Last night was tres fun.

I have been listening to all sorts of soprani singing my "Qui la voce," and I'm feeling like Caballe is probably my favorite, but it's frustrating because you have to buy the whole ALBUM on i-tunes if you want the track. So, I've purchased a Joan Sutherland version that is rather dreamy. My one problem with Dame Joan is that when I listen to her too much I find myself beginning to shift over to that long-ago expunged way of singing that sounds like I have a mouthful of marbles. So I shall listen to it only three or four hundred times instead of every second.

Thursday, April 07, 2011


While familial disturbances press and I worry about Joe having another problem, I have decided that it is about time I just go out to dinner with Stu. So that is what I am doing tonight, and then, meeting up for drinks at the grand old owl right after.

That being said, prior to partying, I will be opening up a can of whoop ass on some I Puritani-- my new aria is "Qui la voce," and I'm pretty pumped. It is such a pleasure to practice new things, and sometimes even things you didn't think you'd ever feel quite comfortable singing that are now suddenly feeling just right.

All will be well. In any case, we have to just get on with it.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011


I am back on the wagon of fabulous. Now, if only I had the cash to go shopping.

I should rather like an entire new spring wardrobe, and to lose 40 pounds. But I love eating and hate going to the gym, so I don't see it happening.

Along those same lines, I am diving back into my Sibelius songs, because I refuse to continue living life without them. They are divinity. Now, for someone who can speak danish or swedish whatever the actual language they are happens to be. They just don't teach you Nordic tongues in school for singing, so I'm going to need a lot of help.

Once again, I can drink, I can do things. But what I really need to get on is: MY TAXES. The bane of my existence.

Monday, April 04, 2011


The saddest day in the world is a Monday after a weekend of performances when you have to put on your clothes and go back to work and to life as usual. You miss your cast, you miss the audience...the fun and excitement and adrenaline.

Luckily for me, it is a beautiful day, and besides mourning the loss of my show (although I consider it a great success), I cannot be sad because it is just so lovely.

I am facing a little bit of a break in my schedule, besides the usual auditions and things, and it is both terrifying and thrilling all at once. There's that recital I've been wanting to have time to do for the past two years, there's all those other things...I'm dying to learn a few new arias for the audition list.

Happy Monday!

Sunday, April 03, 2011


Arise, shine, for thy light is come.

-- Isaiah

Friday, April 01, 2011


It's opening night, and I am feeling good. Putting the sad things behind and moving forward. It has been horrible to have to sound good during the last few weeks, but a the same time, kind of my saving grace to have something else to focus on for a few hours a day!

I am looking at a bit of a dry spell for singing after this weekend, except for my weekly gigs, but I think it will be a great opportunity to learn a new aria and start putting together the ever-elusive recital program. And you never know what can happen.