Friday, December 09, 2011


My body is freaking out completely. My skin, etc. It seems like the perfect storm of a break down of bodily function. I asked myself this morning as I got up and looked at myself in the mirror: What in the HELL is going on?? It took me all of five seconds to realize: it's stress. The intense schedule, combined with a brain that never rests (re: memorization), along with some family drama: all these equal cortisol levels through the roof. Add to that, I haven't been able to get to yoga this week. So I'm a mess.

This morning I was blow-drying my hair, which is kind of a project (It's getting a bit too long for convenience), I was hot, tired, late for work, and I could feel all that frustration and angst rising. I almost had one of my famous tantrums (ask Joe, they are legendary), just because I needed the release of freaking out. Then I thought, okay, what good would that honestly do? It would upset Joe who also has a stressful day ahead of him as well, and I would only be more hot, more tired, and more late. So I took a breath and calmed myself down with my favorite yoga teacher's mantra: I am grateful, oh so grateful. Sounds cheesy, but it works.

There is comfort in the fact that what will be will be. The words of my pieces will probably come out mostly right. I have devoted a lot of time to them. I have to relax and believe in my own effort. The shopping will get done, the baking, the rehearsing, the overtime at work, it will all get done. It's time to stop giving myself a hernia over the whole thing.

Of course, I cannot just say those words and stop worrying. It's a process of constantly staying on top of my thoughts and the part they play in getting me so worked up.

But I need to cut it out because I look like the wicked witch of the west.

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