Friday

I am so thrilled to find, after going all week thinking I have to work tonight, that I do not have to work tonight! I can have a night off! I can prepare for rehearsal tomorrow (off book....eeekkkk, must keep wits about me), I can go over the score for my performance Sunday, and maybe go to dinner?

I got in a little car accident the other day, and while I am fine, my car needs some work. And it is depressingly expensive. Sigh. It's been a little bit of a downer, so needless to say, my practice session last night did not go so well. My high notes were like lead and things were just not easy at all. Heavy of mind, thick of throat, I suppose. In order to not make it worse, I am drinking every liquid in sight, except, sadly, for wine, and trying to practice constructive denial: that is, just trying not to think about it. Or maybe that is just called practicing acceptance of all things. Who knows. I just don't want it to ruin another night of practice.

But I have to say this whole idea of having a night off is kind of wonderful. And I did the laundry last night. So we are really good to go.

The little part I have in the upcoming Verdi opera I am cast in contains a very scary note for me...with a painful sort of approach, to boot. So I am always slightly neurotic about it when I go into rehearsal. The other thing is that, when you have a part that is three pages long, and is as exposed as this, you have no chances to redeem yourself. It simply has to be good right out of the gate, or you are screwed. So I stress myself out beyond all hope, especially if I haven't slept enough. Which, as we know, is called self-sabotage, and it is something I am working on getting out of my consciousness altogether. Tomorrow, I will obey the sage advice of my friend Angeli and "just open your mouth and sing." Whatever comes out is what they will get, and there is no use worrying about it now.

This is my second small Verdi role, and I love it because there is really no other way I would get to be in a Verdi opera. And they are such an experience, with such good music and exciting kinds of voices. Anyone need a shepherd in Tosca? I am so there.