Weekend Jaunt to the Big Apple

It wasn't exactly a jaunt, really.  We were busy every second.  It was intense.  

First, my bus was late and I barely made it to my lesson.  Speaking of lessons, by now I should know that there is literally no chance of getting to New York on time on a bus on a Friday afternoon.  REALLY.  And I need to plan for that better. The traffic is super horrific.  I barely had time to get some grapes at that iconic purveyor of produce, Duane Read.  But I got there, and I sang "Traurigkeit" like a champ.  It think this Konstanze business is working for me. 

Anywho. 

Then, I took the subway back downtown to meet Joe at the hotel and get dressed to go for dinner at the ever delicious Benoit.  I had the cheese souffle there Friday night that made the world seem so good and sparkly and purely lovely.  I mean, who doesn't want to eat something that is literally oozing delicately flavored cheese?  It was unreal.   We had lots of plans for going to other places for drinks and dessert, but by the time we had stuffed ourselves with savory French delicacies, there was absolutely no room for anything else.  And between my work meeting in the morning, rushing to get to the bus, rushing for the subway, rushing to get grapes, rushing to my lesson...your girl was tired.

The next morning, it was my diner for breakfast, then another walk, and my lesson.  We got a cab to take us to the bus stop.  Well, either this gentleman was new or he hated me, because I had an honest to goodness panic attack in the car while we were sitting in cross-town traffic almost barely missing our bus. 

But I came home with a lot of music to work on and some clear direction as to what the heck I'm doing this year with this whole singing thing.  

In general, I am gaining the courage to put myself out there a bit more, and having the confidence to send the emails and ask for the auditions and self-promote just a bit better.

Love the art, hate/embrace the business.  But we have to wade through. 

NYC...

Tomorrow Joe and I are NYC bound and I am giddy with delight...it's been nearly two months since my last fix.  Stay tuned for some blog action from the road!

A quote for Tuesday

Artwork by Lisa Congdon

Epiphany at Bethany

My family does something completely insane every summer.  We rent a huge house on Bethany Beach and twenty-three people of all ages, political affiliations, occupations, first languages and religions live together for a week.  It has its stressful moments, especially when it's my night to cook!  But it feels very grounding to have such strong bonds with people with whom you never need to wear makeup, or put on anything dressier than a t-shirt.  You can just let it all hang out. 

However, I must admit that being around all my accomplished family members gives me a good reason to spend some of that time on the beach really thinking about my life and my purpose on earth.  I mean, my cousin Jorge just spent several weeks in Guatemala repairing cleft palates of babies and children for free.  What could I ever do for anyone that would be that life-changing?  Joe and I are the only musicians, except for one budding diva (!!!!!) and one jazzer-cum-accountant.  Other than that we have two MDs, two PhDs, one dentist, six attorneys (one of whom was just a commentator on the news, for god's sake), and the list goes on and on.  Luckily, we also have three visual artists, a linguist, and a therapist to balance it all out.  But I always feel a little bit like the underachiever, like maybe what I do is a little bit misunderstood. 

I think we all have moments in life when we wonder if we are on the right path, if we are fulfilling our purpose, if everyone feels this struggle, or if those who are really living their destiny sail through life with fewer cares.  One day I was feeling this particularly acutely, so I took a long walk on the beach.  When I am walking on the beach, it really is almost as if my brain goes blank.  It is the calmest I ever am.  The sound of the waves have such a soothing monotony and that is why I love the beach-- it's my happy place.  While I was walking, the thought came to me that I do have purpose, that I am living my purpose, that I'm right where I should be, and struggling at it like every other human.  I have two purposes: Joe and classical music.  

The clarity of this little revelation (which might really seem obvious in some ways) startled me.  

Without either I would not be me.  I would not be who I am.  I owe them both everything.  One saved me in one way and one in another. 

And so I know now.  It was quite a moment. 

So...

A good friend of mine has the personal policy of giving herself 24 hours to spend feeling bad about a disappointing experience.  Which makes sense for a few reasons.

1. You have a chance to acknowledge the fact that something bad happened
2. You have plenty of time to really feel sad
3. By the end of 24 hours you are usually sick of feeling bad, and don't feel like you are supressing your feelings by moving forward.

Once in a while there is something that happens that is so difficult that you really do want to wallow for longer.  But having a definite end point arranged is best, that way you can say with authority: ENOUGH is ENOUGH.  And you are controlling your feelings instead of allowing them to control you.

So I've reached the point where I am over it, and since I've already ordered the score and a recording, I'm going to learn the whole role any way.  The minute it comes, I will dive in as if I do in fact have to sing it very soon, I'll get my translating on and get to work.  I just know I'll sing it, and when the opportunity comes, I'll be ready.

And in the meantime, and after work of course, you'll find me at the pool.

Embracing it

I wanted so much to have good news to tell this morning.  But the truth is, I didn't get the role.  They said it was because of my availability.  But whatever the reason, it is so difficult to hear "We picked someone else."

It never gets easier.

So, this is all I can do:

I've missed you!

Hello, blog.

I've been away for several weeks-- not as a planned thing, really, but just because I didn't feel inspired to write.  None of you want me to just write bullhockey that I don't care about, so I thought it would be best to just take a break!

I went to the beach with good friends, family, had a great Fourth of July, caught a cold, consequently had a singing disaster, got better, got a call, and all of a sudden tonight I've got a last minute audition for a role I really want.  Life is so exciting-- the only thing you know for sure is that everything is changing all the time.  Out with the old, in with the new.  Regeneration station!

At the moment it is darned hot here in Charm City!  I love auditioning, as you well know, and I'm so THERE tonight, but it does seem a little bit wrong that anyone should be asked to do anything other than sit by a pool when the weather is like 104 or something.

I spoke with my teacher last night in preparation for the audition-- for which they asked me to learn some substantial excerpts, in about 24 hours.  Major lesson learned from this?

If you believe you will sing a role, it is really right for you, LEARN THE WHOLE THING!!! Then you're ready when they call!