may 2

I gave back my tickets to a concert tonight because I need to stay home and practice. This, my friends, is called crazy. Or dedication. Or probably there is fine line between the two.

And I need to eat not s*** for dinner tonight, since I accidentally ate something really bad before I went to bed. I could agonize forever about it, but tonight I'll just get back on the bandwagon and eat my salad with chicken or make spinach with garlic again.

My voice is feeling a little funny yesterday and today, and while I tell myself it's the weather changing again, there's always that little tiny bit of worry that there's something wrong. And that it can't be fixed. And this is yet another very fine example of singer's neurosis.

I have an audition tomorrow, but I figure it won't kill me to have ONE cocktail tonight in celebration of a particularly nuts week being over... Especially since it's one of those lovely auditions where you only have to bring like two arias.

My decisions about roles are nearly made, or, rather, have been made in some ways for me. I have been up nights and having bad dreams about it, that's how stressed I've been!! It seems silly, but to me, every step I take seems important at this stage when I would do ALMOST anything for opera roles. I've gotten so much good advice from friends too-- E, C, T, and MG especially. After a couple of serious talks at length with my most trusted advisor (Joey), who is in the middle of having some serious career triumphs of his own (yay!), I think I may have come to some conclusions about what I WON'T do for an opera role and just exactly what it's really worth.

The next two weeks will be reallllly interesting, and then after my recital and the Preakness, I get to fly away. Wow, I can't believe how close I am to my escape! It's back to the midwest for a major family celebration and then to Florida for a few days with my Grandmother and Joe's parents and a master class with Robert Swedberg.

Today, I'll be happy because the weather is SO beautiful and because there's just NO reason not to be. *smile*