Monday

This weekend was devoted to time with my cousin and her fabulous boyfriend. They came to stay with us, and we had a fantastic time doing FUN stuff-- almost a full day and a half of nothing but fun. We went to dinner, we took the water taxi, we walked, we ate a ton, we drank chardonnay (duh).

I had an audition yesterday, along with the usual two church services, and I had been worried about having a day of bacchanalia right before having so much singing. I almost asked my cousin to postpone the trip and come another time. But we looked at calendars and realized there was virtually no other weekend that looked good.

Then I realized something: What the heck was I thinking? Am I really going to allow singing a five minute audition to influence my life this drastically? Is it more important than taking a little time (it's not like it was a week) to laugh, play games, and just spend time with a person who has always been there for me throughout my life?

So, I drank tons of water in between the chardonnay, and besides having to pee a lot, I went on with my weekend of fun, having made the decision NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE SINGING PART. So I spent the weekend really being in the moment, and had a wonderful time. I just told myself that things like this are going to come up in my life, and I have to learn how to make being a singer fit in around the other things that are important.

It was an interesting thing, to be honest. I had to think about my priorities.

Confession: thinking about singing nearly consumes me. I think about my voice in the morning, all day, and at night. It influences what I eat and drink, and what I wear, and where I go. But I know that I would not be happy if my relationship with my vocal cords was the only one I was successful at maintaining. Relationships with people have to come first, singing second. And when I think about what that actually means, it's kind of sobering.

What it means is that I have to be very disciplined in my life, and very choosy about how I spend my time. It means that I have to keep only a small group of friends and family close, and ration time on other things sparingly. I do not have the time I once did to spend going out, shopping, hanging out with people that are merely acquaintances. My practice time and my time with Joe are sacred, and the more each of us work (and that is a good thing...I think), the less there is of it, and the more important it becomes to be one hundred percent THERE when we have it, not worrying about not enjoying myself because I have to sing the next day. Okay, so I have to have one less glass of wine, or drink a gallon of extra water.

I surprised myself with how not freaked out I was yesterday, despite the challenges of the schedule, the fact that I hadn't slept well...etc. I went to church, I was there. I went to the second church, I was there. I went to the audition, I was there. When I got home I collapsed into the recliner exhausted, because I had really given one hundred percent to each thing that day, each experience that weekend. It was so great! I learned a lot.

And I have a call back tonight! So there you have it.