Yes, I'm alive

What a week it has been. My trip to New York was good, and not just because my audition was in the part of midtown that has an awesome TJ Maxx. The other reason is because the Cosmic Diner is there. I have been soooo good these past weeks, really committed to losing ten pounds before Donna Elvira, and so far I've lost nine. I've been under my calorie goal almost every day, so I decided to treat myself to real diner food when I was starving and nervous and things before my audition. I had grilled cheese with bacon and curly fries. I didn't finish it, because wow. They gave me a ton. It's surprising how much more you appreciate the occaisional splurge when you don't have them much. The bus trip was not great, but then, I wasn't expecting it to be. You know how they tell yopu to find an audition dress that doesn't wrinkle?? Yes, well, I have two of those, but I don't like them as well as I like the one that does wrinkle. I always get compliments on the one that wrinkles. It's a gorgeous color and looks great on my figure, so, I was like: "Screw it. There's a million drug stores in Manhattan, I'll buy some of that wrinkle spray." When I finally found wrinkle spray, and finally got to my practice room, and got the dress out and sprayed it, well...the fumes were exceedingly powerful. I think it might have actually hampered my ability to sing. So that's another lesson learned. I guess pollen plus chemicals are just a lot to handle. But there were no noticeable wrinkles and I felt great in the dress. The panel chatted a bit with me, asking about things on my resume, which I was glad of. It meant they weren't just hoping I would leave as quickly as possible. I answered their questions, and then suddenly, I was outside wondering what had happened. Did I sound like a complete idiot? Was what I said okay?? I was overtaken with concern that I may not have sounded smart, with it, hip, talented, etc. I asked my wonderful pianist, just outside the door, with all the other sopranos (there were a bajillion in the hallway, and really no men at all... ugh...)looking on: "Did I sound obnoxious in there?" "Nope," she said, "You sounded like you. It was the real Jessica. You were being yourself." "Yes," I replied, with a grin, "I guess I was." And that is never a bad thing. So then I quickly changed back to my normal person clothes, and practically ran twenty blocks to the bus where I would sit next to a person who talked loudly on the phone for two straight hours, and I seethed all the way back to Baltimore.