Tuesday, May 29, 2012

No limits.

This weekend was singerlicious!  I enjoyed lots of church and synagogue singing, and a wildly inspiring voice lesson that concluded with me singing a high G-- a note I haven't had since, well, a really long time ago.

There was also some really great pool time with Joe!  It is my favorite summer activity...and if there is a cooler of beer or cocktails!  Heaven!

I am preparing for an audition tonight and actually kind of scaring myself that I am not more worried about singing two Bach arias.  Especially since that was an entire genre of music I had pretty much written off for myself.  I remember actually saying "I can't sing Bach." Now, it makes me cringe to remember the way that I claimed that as truth for myself, limiting my own progress with my words.  Maybe it is the lovely time off that I have had, and the refreshing feeling of time to think, explore, study and practice, but remember the passage from the New Testament:
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect...
My mind is in a daily state of renewal, I have to remind myself to stop doubting, but I am beginning to see the futility in saying what is not possible.  The world we live in is full of limits, and people who will tell you where you need to stop.  What might be too much for you.  Where the line is.  What is safe.  But what is good and acceptable and perfect for me is something I can only find when I have decided that I am open to change, to hard work, to discomfort and moving past the fear it brings, and to completely surrender to the love I have for singing.  Love is reason enough to do anything.

Only willingness to push myself and take vocal risks will result in transformation. I find my edge every day and try to go beyond it-- which is scary when you are talking about a few little muscles deep inside your throat that you cannot see and have become almost mystical for us.  I still have to consciously stop myself from singing the hard passages endlessly before a performance or an audition (leading to fatigue!) just to prove to myself that the ability to do it has not gone away, vanished, disappeared.

The truth is, it could disappear.  Something could happen to anything or anyone we love.  So we have to go for it completely every time we open our mouths, trusting that if there is something we are meant to communicate today, it will be there.

No comments: