The camera adds ten pounds

I watched a video of myself last week. And I don't have to tell you that it completely ruined my day. Yes, I am that self-absorbed. Do I really look like that? Oy. It was rough. I'd been doing so well with my self-image issues, just trying to "listen to my body" **barf** and be good to myself, and then this video comes along and plops me right back on the train to neurotic-ville. So I was totally freaking out, but then this morning I put on a "certain" pair of pants, and well, they were a little bit loose. sigh of relief.

Oh well. It was a rough week for my self-image. I was reading a fellow singer's blog the other day, someone I don't know personally, and came upon an entry that contained some thinly-veiled tasteless criticism of my most recent show. Nothing bad about me specifically, but I guess I can chalk it up to: GET USED TO IT. NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

I had a lesson with my teacher on Monday, and it was great to be able to tell him about GS, and La Boheme (which shall henceforth be referred to as LB), and the offer to do Donna Elvira. I was slightly dreading telling him about the latter, because I knew his eyebrows would go up, and he would say, in the most fatherly and protective of ways, "That's a BIG role." Which is, of course, exactly what he did say. But then he shrugged his shoulders and asked how many performances and what venue and promptly replied that it couldn't hurt. So, I'm really seriously considering it. The biggest problem, of course, being "Mi tradi" which is enough to make anyone scream.

This Saturday, we're taking a road trip to Philly for an audition for which I have added to my rep for the first time: The Countess. It feels so much better than trying to squeeze myself into "Vedrai, carino," and when I told my teacher I even had it on the list for the last one, he winced, as if in obvious pain. Which is actually akin to what I felt when I realized it simply isn't for me. Because I really freaking like that aria and I LOVE Zerlina. Hands down the coolest girl in Mozart, besides, maybe Susanna.

Tonight, I will do something I generally don't necessarily approve of, except in extremely small doses once in awhile: going to the tanning bed. Don't judge me. I'm the bride.