Last night

Yesterday morning I got up at 7, after a pretty not-great night of sleep. When this happens, I wake up with that heavy feeling, the kind that, if you're not careful, you know has the potential to make it a BAD day. I need my eight hours, people, and especially if I am expected to sing a dress rehearsal of Don Giovanni. So I knew it was going to be important to remain positive and not let the bitchy, pissed off part of my feelings take over. So I showed up to church, marked my way through the service, went over my blocking in my head during the homily, and spent a lot of mental energy trying to psych myself up. When I have rehearsals on Sunday, I've found it really helps me recharge after having to get up ass-early and go sing for church, if I come home, put on pajama pants, and spend at least half an hour in front of the TV gulping water and not talking or thinking. After that, I can face the world again, and usually my voice feels magically rejuvenated.

I've spoken before about the difficulty of the final stages of the show, and how weird it is to not really have anyone you can get feedback from. There are obviously people in my show whose opinion I would trust, but it feels a bit unprofessional to take out my insecurities on them when we are all working so hard to make it a great show, and have our own characters to worry about. I'll never forget a particular run of performances in which I was playing a very minor supporting role, and the leading lady frequently came to me to ask how I thought she sounded, about this note or that note, and I always felt that, while I was flattered that she would ask, it was not my place to be anything other than totally complimentary, and to try to reassure her and help her feel good about what she was doing. So I know that people, like me, would have trouble giving me honest answers, and would I really want to hear it even if they did??? Oy, it's a scary thought.

So, I brought Joe last night. I am so lucky to have a spectacular musician for a husband, and one who is quickly developing a very good ear for voices. Although I think most people have an innate sense of what sounds good and what doesn't, if they would trust their ears. I felt so good having him there, partly because there was supposed to be a major storm, and I would have been beyond stressed during my rehearsal if I had known I was going to have to drive through a blizzard to get home. But also because I knew he would tell me if there were good things, and if there were things that could be better. And he did-- I felt questionable about a couple scenes, and asked him to report back. I got the run-down, and surprisingly, nothing was as bad as I thought it was!

After singing all afternoon, I knew I was in pain, but I just didn't know where-- it was kind of an all over tiredness, with a major ache in my lower back. When we were finally on our way home, we stopped at Cracker Barrel for dinner and I had pot roast with a double side of green beans...it was all the medicine I needed. Then home again, and it was me, Joe and the cats...back to normal life, and I TRIED to put DG out of my head. But it was still whirling around in there, and I woke up again this morning with it running through my head.